October 1995

Joseph is born.
I never knew contractions could hurt that bad.
I am a 4'11' woman with 8 1/2 lb baby in my uterus. For weeks when he moves, I drop to the ground and writhe in pain. I feel he is beating me up from inside.
My pregnancy with Joseph is emotional.
My pregnancy with Nathan, born in December of 93, ended 5 weeks early. I had something called HELP syndrome. HELP syndrome is similar to eclampsia with liver function issues, edema. What saved Nathan was the fetal monitor in the hospital. I had been sent to receive fluids after vomiting for 10 days. While on the monitor, Nathan stopped breathing, murconium asparation. An emergency C section and a day of oxygen brought my fighting boy along wonderfully. I continued to get sicker over a period of several days. Basically nathan and I were both at risk for our lives.
I had also lost my mother to cancer during my pregnancy with Nathan in November. When nathan was 5 months old, Jon and I left the only area I knew, the suburbs of Chicago, to move to Maine.
While pregnant with Joseph, depression was constant. I remember planning to have him, and then commit suicide. Depression had been an issue all my life. I believe I was at 7 months when I informed my health practitioners of how low I had become. It was recommended I try Prozac. Prozac was a miracle to me. I suffered from dizzy spells. I drank water from a camp. What stupidity. Coming from Chicago, all water was city water. I had no concept of well water. The water at this camp came directly from a lake. It was a hot, dryer summer that year. Giardia was the diagnosis after several days in the hospital. I thought for sure I was coming down with HELP syndrome again. I remember Jon all excited when the ultrasound revealed Joseph to be a boy. "Way to go, Mom!" he said.
A later ultrasound had me back for another one. The measurements of Josephs head showed his head to be bigger than normal at the time of development. I look back at this now and wonder if this was a sign of differing development. And what of prozac?
It was decided Joseph was too big to come out the traditional way, so it was a C section again. He was perfect, no birthing problems. I was awake for the C section this time. I felt connected to him immediately.
Back in my room the nurse was ready to take Joseph to the nursery. I remember saying "That baby is MINE". I was determined to make up for the time Nathan and I lacked in bonding as I was so sick with his birth. Joseph slept with me in the hospital bed, prompting many years of attachment at the hip. At age 12, our relationship is the same.
The first few months...
I remember a particularly bad night when Joseph was about 2 months. He cried for 4 hours straight. I believe I called the doctor and was told to hang in there.. it was colic. There were hours of "bouncing" him in my arms. It seemed the more vigorous the movement, the more he relaxed. Joseph took the "bouncing baby boy" expression quite literally.
I also rushed Joseph to the ER at around 2months in fear he was having a seizure. I was laying on the couch (my usual position for sleeping) with Joseph in my arms. He sort of opened his eyes and did this flutter and shake. He was checked over at the hospital. Nothing seemed amiss. The professionals ruled it out as a sort of nodding off, half sleep body reaction.
I can tell you from personal experience that Josephs autism had nothing to do with vaccinations. Although I do not negate parents who believe their children are adversely affected, this was not the case with Joseph.
Joseph seemed to need me all the time. I couldnt put him down, noone else could comfort him but me. It was about at 4 months when the colic let up, and he was much happier. In fact he was happier than I expected. He seemed to tell himself jokes. He was always giggling at some private conversation.
Josephs development seemed very normal if not advanced. He was up and running before we knew it. Scaling furniture and having dressers topple under his climbing was common by about 8 months. He loved being tickled. The more you tickled. The more he loved it.