Taking Advantage of Indian Summer in Maine

Laying on a moss covered rock - flowing streams surround me. Boots off, sun warming my skin. Soft breeze, a breath of life. Oh (surprise), a black fisher scampers by, sit up - a quiet reach for the camera *snap. Too Late. I wonder what his mission is this Sunday afternoon in early November. Perhaps, like me, to bask in the fleeting warmth of an indian summer day before the long arduous winter settles in. I lay back down, soft bed of moss, on a rock in the middle of the woods with the bubbling water and warming sun. All is good in world: right here, right now.

Fisher: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fisher_(animal)

epilogue: I arrived back home, proud of my accomplishments. I made it out in the beautiful day. Tree climbing story to come later, lol. Readying to download photos to the computer, I cant find my glasses. High and low I look. nowhere. They are all the way back at the rock I was sitting on in the middle of the woods. Thank goodness for Jon and his truck who drove me back most of the way. There they were, waiting for me.

The Scent of Childhood

Just thinking of the word "Peony" evokes a powerful memory of the senses. The sweet scent fills a hunger, the velvety touch of each petal is remembered. Even the awe of a tiny red haired child, amazed by the busyness of ants doing their work. Wonderment. Delight. A moment in time forever relivable, to grasp anytime I want. This was Grandma's backyard
And it doesn't stop there.
A Raspberry Tree always available to hide in the branches. Their scent is later in the summer. When the ground is covered with them rotting, the flies are everywhere drinking nectar. A trellis of deep red roses. I make perfume from its petals to sell in an imaginary shop. I flavor with vanilla the starchy insides of a plant referred to as "indian gum". I plant forget me not seeds - they never germinate.
I wonder is there power in child hood or powerlesness? I felt this tiny triangular plot of land as my domain. It was huge in my youth - now seemingly postage sized. Is it the change of my size from a tiny girl to an adult that changed its perspective? Or is it that my experiences have broadened my life so that my childhood space shrunk?

Good Night Moon

This picture was taken at the Children's Discovery Museum in Bangor. They have lots of cool stuff there. The kids that went from Kids Peace had a terrific time. Im so grateful that there are programs such as Kids Peace to take care of my very challenging boy. I would rarely risk
taking him to such things as museums or programs anymore because he is too much of a handful and things can get dangerous. http://www.kidspeace.org/

Nirvana

The Blues

Happy Mothers Day =}

The Well

At the bottom of the well
the liquid is not only the rain
but salty tears
There is no escape
I have scraped layers of my
fingers raw, bloody-
mixing with the juices from below
clawing, going nowhere
I see pieces of my flesh on the stones

Is it fear I feel?
Regret?
I think I will just sleep some more on
this rock keeping me above the
water line.

Maybe when I awake,
Ill be somewhere else.

backlash - PTSD

Well, Ive just spent the last few minutes bawling.. I will nap soon. This is the first opportunity Ive had to be by myself since Josephs meltdown on Saturday. I guess Ive been feeling like hes doing so good.. hes made such good progress, and then to see him regress so quickly and to be in fear of being alone with him again.. well, its just overwhelming. This may be depression talking but
sometimes I wish Joseph would just get it over and kill me in one of his rages so I wouldnt be in so much pain over the teeter totter life his issues has put us through.

Joseph is going downhill

Saturday we picked Joseph up and kept him overnight. The visit started out great. Family went fishing. Ate burgers, Joseph went online to Power Rangers site. Then he asked for the Bionicles site which is a banned thing for him now. I told him no and he did it anyway. It took both Jon and I to turn off the computer and get him away from it. He laid on the floor fingers in ears and screeched and screamed. Then he ran to put on his shoes and bolt out of the house. Next was kicking slapping faces. We had to blanket wrap him. It took the two of us. We finally got him back down to the bedroom. He started to calm then started up again throwing things at me. Another wrap, kicking slapping trying to bite. The whole thing lasted about 50 minutes and both Jon and I were exhausted. This meltdown was very reminiscent of why hes in placement, and Im sad to see it return. What does this mean? I already cant take him on a drive alone for fear that he will attack me while Im driving. Does this mean now I can NEVER be alone with him? I certainly wouldnt have managed by myself last night

Messiah

I dreamt.. an assasination plot against my life
People I trusted, close and intimate
WHY?
I was to be the next Messiah
I knew this was ridiculous. What do I know of Dogma?
Led down corridors by my left arm, riding elevators
and cars in a pre ordained stance...
Must learn this new perfection
I know this is a mistake
I am more lowly than a worm
Where did these people get their information?

Siberian Squill

There is an old house in Bangor ME that has a blanket of these little beauties. They are so dense that from a short distance, nothing but blue can be seen. They are escape artists and can be seen in neighboring properties up to two blocks away. The first flowers of spring along with the crocus and part of the Hyacinth family. Naturally, I have need for them in my own garden. So Nathan and I with bags and shovel dig up some to transplant under the trees in my back yard. Here are the pics of them in their new home. Since they were planted yesterday and look in fair shape, I believe they will be be ok. wish me luck, Peace, Jeanette

Spring has sprung in my heart

Went on a walk yesterday to enjoy the coming of spring. Still to cold and the wind was whipping. No ability to do yard work, but ample ability to view nature. Check out photo album "walk April 13". I am always amazed by the ability for the trees in this area to root on nothing but what has collected on them. Large trees supported by very little grounding. Perhaps a lesson to me that I can support a rich life despite what I have to work with. The tulip shoots burst through the leaves.. Nothing gets in their way. I will be surprised by their color as they were gifts from my friend Alice. Bandit, as usual - in the water.slap, bite, and bark. Also enjoy the three foot waterfall running at my house. Id like to build a hut there and sit, perhaps drawing or contemplating life for hours.

Joseph draws a picture of KidsPeace

Well, I always thought Joseph was rather otherworldly. Now I know why. Hes an alien!
I just love how this kid thinks. Thank God for giving me Joseph!

too much snow

A few days from March.. uh huh..... insanity
Sometimes Chicago looks good again

Merry Christmas

Pop Rocks and Joseph

Few words describe a part non verbal exchange. Spirit exchange
The staff at Joseph's group home arranged a candy hunt. I helped him find all the wrapped up shapes (ghosts, spiders, pumpkins) with his name tags. All the kiddos joined at the dining room table to tally their caches.
In Joseph's cache were four small packages of pop rocks. When I saw them, the devil came out in me. Joseph can be the king of sensory "what the f*(#?" And since he is like my little toy, always experiencing things in a new light and with a ready audience of staff and peers, I opened up a package.
"Joseph, these are Pop Rocks.. open up your hand and Ill give you some"
out came the hand, he licked them up.
I expected the face of a lifetime and the need to shake them off. Instead, he kept opening and closing his mouth, listening to how they sounded mouth opened, mouth closed. he listened to them in his hand. He put his mouth up to my ear so I could hear them.
Joseph picked up another package and slid his pointing finger along some writing on the package.
"This" Joseph said (meaning please read this)
"Taste the explosion" I read
He repeated with inflection and had me open another package.
All four packages were experienced with glee and excitement, many times exclaiming "Taste the Explosion" and letting me experiencing the popping by having me listen.
I don't know who had more fun between him, myself, staff and peers. Truly Joseph shows us all a new way of being truly alive.

Newest Pic

Outside is complete! Alright, we need some soil, landscaping and plants. But I like it just fine for now. Not sure we could be itchier to get into our new home than we are. It looks like still another couple of weeks.

The time of day I took this photo is about 5pm. A nice time of day to cool off the place when the breeze can flow through open windows. SIGH.. I want it now.

Theres more to life than building a home

Hello to all.. With the help of Josephs group home he and I went to the beach on Saturday. I think Joseph couldnt have been better behaved. Even WITH the ducks (a particular source of excitement - normally he cannot help himself but to chase them into unsafe areas) He followed directions, didnt push limits. He and I discussed making a scrapbook and how we were "buddies in adventure". Of course this discussion amounts me talking and Joseph answering "yes" or "no". But I could tell when I hit something he liked. He enjoys any outing with his mom. And we like hanging out together. How wonderful to have a buddy. Sorry about the sideways cliffs. Ill fix that when I have my own computer back. Goodbye for now

Is Bigger Better????

Life is complicated. Organizing is complicated. For one artist/special needs mom/gardening/yoga growing woman.. life is downright impossible to handle. Maybe Im not supposed to "handle" life. My feeble attempts had me carrying the large organizer to the right. It makes sense. Its not too small. You can fold papers in half from your own printer, punch holes, and you can take it with you. But its heavy.... it doesnt fit well into bags.

I bought a new one. a tiny one. I LOVE how light it is. How easy it is to fit into things.

Now I need a new 6 hole puncher to put papers in my new organizer. The address pages are so small, I can barely fit peoples addresses in them. I dont even know how I will manage to fit things into it that just folding a piece of paper in half. It fits pages only 3x6 inches!!!! WTF???

Maybe Im complaining too much. Maybe this is no big deal but I want the best of both worlds, just as I want in the rest of my life. The best of both worlds. Sigh.. Ill just keep writing addresses in my new little book. See you soon, Love Jeanette

The house has arrived

Hi Folks

The top pic is from the driveway, the bottom is the front of the house taken from the road. Hopefully the workers will get in tomorrow to finish the wooden shingles on the gables. As you can imagine, we are ready to move back in. But the house is not complete. No electricity, water, furnace, appliances.

Its coming along nicely. check the http://www.garden-path.blogspot.com/ for new pics on the garden.