On Letting Go.. Struggling with Mindfulness

I had planned on including a photograph of an event along with prose to my blog.  The picture was not on my current phone.  The image may be lost on a dead laptop.    I was tempted to go to the event location and recreate the scene just for a photo.  Hmm.. But I would know it was not the genuine original experience.  

Thoughts strung with thoughts…  Realization:  we (humans) are constantly trying to recreate an original experience. Maybe we need to just let go.

Maybe each moment and experience is and should be separate from another.

More thoughts.. Is Art recreation of inexperience?  Am I, as an Artist, stuck in attempting to recreate something that is to be left behind?

Always life brings us little things to ponder.  I shall breathe, let go of this thought and get back to my art.

Namaste

The septic bite.

Who'd have thought that one bite from a human could cause so much pain for so long.  This is what Joseph did to me on Easter of 2015.
Here are posts I made regarding this bite:
I have been putting this off for several days. I've hidden my wounds because I on some level I feel shame. I feel anger. I feel hurt. I am ashamed that I cannot seem to be able to protect myself from assaults by my own son. 
This is what happened on Easter Sunday in a SUPERVISED visit at the facility Joseph lives at because he is too violent to live at home. 
This is what the face of Autism Awareness looks like. This is what may happen to me when I visit my son. This injury or similar has happened to me three times in less than a year. Last summer it took 4 staff to extract him from me. In September, I needed an emergency visit because he dropped me to the floor with his fingers gripping my hair at the scalp. He then used this as a lever to kick in my scapula from the back.

I am NOT a victim. I will not hide it. I will not make excuses. Autism has robbed me of my career, my health and my connections to other people.
Yet, I continue to advocate, support, teach and love.
I AM A Peaceful Warrior.
Nuff said,
Go about your day

— feeling determined.

Days 6 and 7.
I was to attend school this weekend. Yoga Teacher Training has been healing for me on many levels. But struggling with muscle spasms and an inability to manage them properly away from home. I believe I will be rounding a corner. Tomorrow will look much better.

 — feeling hopeful.

Day 13. Deep fascia infection seems to be clearing up. Of course the antibiotics I needed to take has cleared out my system of anything good. Waiting results from x rays taken to see if the bone is infected. Shaky and wondering if I can ever safely visit my son. I am doing well to stay as positive as I am.

Day 21: Infection gone. I am left with a rather large hematoma and muscle spasms. Dropped into a rather deep depression though. Some thoughts and energy sent my way would be appreciated.

I

New World for Joseph

There have been only a handful of people in Joseph's life gifted with the ability to connect with Joseph in a very meaningful way.  One of them is his current Head Classroom Teacher, Tiara.

She told me a story recently about Joseph and I asked her to write it down for me so that I may add it to his story here.
It is amazing.  Hope you enjoy.

Joseph’s Thoughts on His Future:

Joseph really enjoys the song “Clint Eastwood” by the Gorrillaz.  He calls this song “Future is Coming.” Upon listening to this song one day in the classroom, I decided to use the lyrics as a prompt to talk to Joseph.  I used a white board to write questions to Joseph, leaving blanks for his responses.  Joseph was not prompted to respond, but did so independently.  He did not chose to write, so I scribed the responses for him.  The white board read as follows.  Joseph’s answers are in green.

Your Future is Coming On (From the song we had just listened to):

In the future, I will be ___a friend___.

In the future, I will work at _____discipline_____.

In the future, I will live at _______hard_______. (Joseph stated “hard life” here but prompted me to erase life as I wrote it)

(After a few moments of silence and some staring away from me and the board)

I am thinking about ___new world___.

You Can't Rush Art

I must remember to teach Joseph how to transfer a picture onto canvas board.  Maybe a new slide book.  During this painting,  I turned a photo from online art into a paint by number. I visited KidsPeace and had him paint a color at a time, slowly creating from light to dark.  He and I bantered as he painted.  At one point I  offered  him a "Script" of "You Can't Rush Art".  It stuck.  Although I do not think he uses this much with people other than me, he and I share our little one liner as our private communication.